Candy Christmas Treats

[I'm not Christian, but the people I made these gifts for celebrate the winter season on the 25th so that makes these Christmas treats.]

I love Bakerella. Soooo many awesome, beautiful treats. Sadly most of my baking attempts do not turn on as lovely looking as hers. Partially due to laziness i using my iPhone camera for everything instead of my Nikon, partially due to generally cooking failure.

But I fell in love when I saw this project - Cowgirl Cookies - Mix Things Up! I like cookies! I can bake cookies! I can put things in jars! Huzzah!



Unfortunately one thing I don't love is the American cup system of measurement. I know we all get used to the system we grow up with and I'm usually pretty tolerant of wierdnesses, but this one makes no sense to me. How are cups easier than scales? If you're using a cup to measure with (unless you're shoving stuff out of a large container) you have to use a spoon to fill it, have to keep refilling it rather than just measuring once, you have to wash it out repeatedly if you're using wet ingredients and (somehow) I always end up with flour in my shoes. It's frustrating.

So anyway, since I was making three jars and I didn't want flour everywhere, I measured the ingredients in cups for the first jar, weighed them in the scale and then wrote down the amounts. Made everything much much faster for the other two jars.

Note, if you're going to use the same method, do it properly. Do not assume that a cup of flour is the same weight as a cup of M&Ms. Unless you melt them, M&Ms do not fill all the space in the cup. Same with the chocolate chips and, to a lesser extent, the oats. Guessing won't work. I had three lovely American friends try to work out the measurements without weighing and the guesses varied from the results by as much as 50g.

I couldn't find any seasonal M&Ms, I don't think they exist in the North of England so I bought ordinary M&Ms and spent an hour separating the colours. The pecans are all in the lid space of the jar.

Sadly, my printer refused to co-operate on the labels, and these streaky results were the best I could get.

I did make a half batch of cookies with the left over ingredients, but I forgot to halve the amount of butter and ended up with very tasty, very sticky gloop. Sorry no photos of that :p

Happy Wordless Yule Wednesday

So there I am, in Sri Lanka, formerly Ceylon, at about 3 o'clock in the morning, looking for one thousand brown M&Ms to fill a brandy glass, or Ozzy wouldn't go on stage that night. So, Jeff Beck pops his head 'round the door, and mentions there's a little sweets shop on the edge of town. So - we go. And - it's closed. So there's me, and Keith Moon, and David Crosby, breaking into that little sweets shop, eh. Well, instead of a guard dog, they've got this bloody great big Bengal tiger. I managed to take out the tiger with a can of mace, but the shop owner and his son... that's a different story altogether. I had to beat them to death with their own shoes. Nasty business, really. But, sure enough, I got the M&Ms, and Ozzy went on stage and did a great show.

Wordless Abduction Wednesday

Banananananananana Bread

Three weeks ago it was 30 degrees Celsius (84 Fahrenheit?) in the UK. In October. That's like saying there were herds of wildebeest running through the Yorkshire Dales, it just doesn't happen.

Fast forward to today and its 6 degrees (42 Fahrenheit I think), which is much more normal but also a shock, coming so soon after nice weather. So now it's time to cook roasts and bake cakes and anything else that gives me an excuse to stand next to a hot oven :D

A few weeks ago I discovered that one of the local corner shops discounts their bananas to 10p on a monday morning to get rid of them before the new stock arrives. Logically - cheap brown bananas = tasty banana bread time. In a lovely bit of coincidence my friend KKHymn had the same idea on the other side of the planet, check out her post here.

Since I also suffer from a chronic illness I have to pick simple recipes too. For me the American 'cup' measurement system is a huge amount of faff compared to just using scales, plus I don't eat nuts so I chose a different recipe - Shelley's Banana Banana Bread from AllRecipes.com. I find it very difficult to clean blenders and such so I just mashed the banana into chunks with a fork. I think that helped keep the bread nice and moist without the addition of soured cream. I did throw in some vanilla extract though.

The real secret of fantastic banana bread? Smear a thick layer of nutella on it. That's true for most things though.

Suspicious Wordless Wednesday

It Isn't Easy Being Green

The Frustrations of Being a Short Arse

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I've been working on the whole "being tidy and organised" thing. So far it isn't going all that well. One of the reason is accessibility. I'm 5'3", I know it's not THAT short, but it's not tall either. I can shop in the kids clothes/shoes department, so long as I don't have to reach the top shelf. And around our home, the top shelf is a major issue. Or rather the top three shelves.

Our house used to be owned by a builder, a tall builder. This is not an advantage on a lot of levels. Given the choice I'd never buy a house that has been lived in by a builder ever again. It's like he spent all day building, so didn't want to spend lots of time on his own home, but also didn't want to pay anyone else to do the work. He boarded up the stop cock, because clearly no one needs to switch the water off at the mains. Instead of laying the kitchen floor, then installing the cupboards, he realised it'd take less tiles if he did it the other way around. Which means that the cabinets are concreted to the floor. He also managed to make the space for the washing machine 5mm too narrow for a standard machine, normally that'd mean pushing the cabinets 5mm apart, a job of 10 seconds. Instead we had to hack a whole section of tiles out of the floor. The boiler was 13 years old, but he put a 5 year old casing on it. You don't want to know what he did in the bathroom.

Anyway, he installed all the wall-mounted cabinets at a height appropriate to someone 6'6" tall. All the cabinets have three shelves and I can only see into the lowest of them if I stand on tip-toe. I can't see into the other shelves without a step ladder. I wouldn't be able to use any of our kitchen cabinets at all without one of these folding steps, but I still have to resort to the "fling stuff into the back of the space and hope you never need it again" storage method. This problem also means that we usually end up with multiples of things because I think we've run out because I simply cannot see them.

Since I' also have a wealth of mobility issues, that mean there are many days when I can't bend or kneel, I can't really use much of the space in the base units either. The market is full of products to help organise cupboards but most of them require that you be able to get into the cupboards to begin with. They're almost universally expensive too. Do I really want to spend £10 on a bit of plastic to make an extra shelf, when I could probably make the same thing with old cardboard boxes?

I dream of a kitchen with pull out larder style units, where everything is visible and easy to reach, preferably with some kind of fold out step system so I can get into the high spaces without constantly tripping over the steps. But for now I'm going to have to find a way to make do with what I have, hopefully before I break a rib trying to clean the cooker. Again.

Roaring Wordless Wednesday

The Chilli Experiment

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We're currently in the process of building a set of raised planters for next years growing season. Growing your own veg seems like a lot of effort (and sometimes it is) and sometimes it's not worth it (potatoes, take up too much space and not enough return) but there are situations when it's a good use of your time. Have you tried home grown courgette (zucchini for the Americans)? They actually have a flavour! I never knew that until the inlaws started growing them and we were inundated with them. A single courgette is about 60p from the supermarket. The seeds are 5p each and you get more than one fruit per plant. You can grow them in bags and courgette tastes just as good frozen. I punch those numbers into my calculator and it makes a happy face.

But you can't grown courgettes in September in England so more on that subject will have to wait til next year.

I was surprised to find that a pack of three large red chillies cost up to a £1 from the local big name supermarkets. That's 33p per chilli! And they're not even the fancy burn-your-face-off varieties, these are just generic medium hot chillies. We cook 90% of our meals with chilli in some form or another. Those numbers did not make a happy face. So I decided to grow my own.

You can do this, even in England in September, provided you have a nice sunny windowsill. Our kitchen window gets full sun from 1pm til sunset every day so it's perfect. If you live in a very cold climate I'd move the plant into your warmest room over winter, but we've previously grown chilli plants successfully during winter in a single glazed house without any heating, so you'll probably be fine.

Here's what you'll need-

• 1 shop bought chilli (choose the variety you use most)


• all purpose compost


• 3 pots per plant - small, medium, large (yogurt pots and plastic coffee jars work fine, you don't need to buy any!)


• cling film / saran wrap


• water


• crop safe plant food (optional)

A Plant I Haven't Killed Yet!

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Greetings!

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I'm in the process of switching to working for myself full time, and I've decided to separate my personal life from my art blog at www.phantoms-siren.com to tighten the focus on the art and to keep the cat pictures to a minimum over there.

I also felt like making a record of my slow journey from undomesticated goddess to competent housewife. There are an awful lot of blogs out there made by confident together women full of helpful tips and excessively pretty recipes. Frankly, I'm jealous of their skills, but I'd also feel like I should stand up for the other end of the scale. Those of us for whom dusting is an alien concept and who didn't know there could be more than two types of flour. I do not have it all under control, in fact I seem to have lost our guest bed under a mountain of clean laundry. But I'd like to learn to be in control. I'd like to walk across a room without tripping over piles of abandoned stuff, I'd like to bake fancy bread and fill my house with pretty crafts.

I'd also like to test out some of the claims on the other sites, are those recipes really as good as they look? Can you really make your own cleaning products at home? Do those pretty PDF day planners actually make a difference?

And does everything HAVE to be cream with shades of pastel and the occasional bit of turquoise? Can you be a goth/metal/steampunk housewife?

Wordless Wandless Wednesday

Abney Park's Airship Pirates RPG Pre-Sales!

It's 2150. The Earth's recovering from the Great Apocalypse of 1906.

From the steampunk sky-cities of Isla Aether and High Tortuga come the airship pirates.You hoist the Jolly Roger, spin your propellers and take to the skies. Yours is a life of adventure, plunder and infamy.

The American wilderness lies below. Beast-haunted wastelands are criss-crossed by the tracks of the freedom-loving Neobedouins. Armoured railroads connect the Emperor's widely scattered domains.

In the walled, fog-shrouded cities, people huddle in forced Victorian squalor, lorded over by the upper classes. The Emperor's clockwork policemen patrol the streets and the ultimate threat of the Change Cage hangs over those who would rebel. Rising from the dockyards, the frigates of the Imperial Air Navy patrol the clouds, hunting pirates and threatening the sky-cities.

You've got an airship. You've got a crew. You've got one of Doctor Calgori's fancy chronominautilus devices. All you need now is a good swig of rum (trust us, you'll need it), and you're ready to set sail on the winds of time and plunder history itself!

Who knows, maybe you'll even screw up the timeline some more?

Abney Park's eagerly anticipated Airship Pirates RPG is almost here! Pre-orders started yesterday with the first 300 being numbered and signed by Captain Robert himself. The book is due to arrive in August, no details of the exact date yet, but I'll let you know when I know. Previews of some of the art can be found at the Cakebread and Walton site

Day 30 – What Book Are You Reading Right Now?

It's finally over! Day 30 is here!!!

I'm currently dragging myself through Blameless by Gail Carriger. I was considering using Soulless for Day 11 before I remember that it was exactly as bad as I'd expected a bright pink steampunk book to be, and therefore couldn't be classed as a disappointment. However the title character of Alexia Tarabotti was just compelling enough to make me buy Changeless (Soulless was given away free at a convention, I would NOT have paid money for it) in the hope that the series might improve as occasionally happens. And it did! Right up until the ending as which point the whole thing collapsed into exactly the kind of drama that stops me reading "romantic" fiction. It was exactly like being punched in the stomach.

Unfortunately Blameless continues in the same vein and its taken me almost two months to get 150 pages into the book and every page has been a battle. And yet, like eating stale popcorn - you don't like it, it tastes bad and you know it won't end well - I can't stop reading it. Alexia Tarabotti remains just this side of likable, and a few of the supporting cast are admittedly awesome (Professor Lyall the dignified werewolf, and Lord Akeldama, a vampire so fruity he'd make Oscar Wilde look like a member of the EDL). I've just discovered, with a sinking heart that two more books are planned. I guess I'll end up reading those too, whether I really want to or not.

Even Better 30 Day Song Challenge - Day 30 - Foist One Last Rarity On Us

Day 29 – Saddest Character Death

Hmmmm I've already talk about Snape, and I can't really go on about Erik again so soon after a previous PotO based post. I was considering making the title of this one "Most Satisfying Character - Death" and talking about Neil Gaiman's Death of the Endless or Pratchett's anthropromorphic personification Death, but again I've probably wittered on about both those authors a bit too much.

So I'm going to use "saddest" in it's British slang meaning of "lamest" and talk about Duncan Idaho. Now I wasn't that bothered about Duncan in the David Lynch version, but I liked him in the first Sci Fi Channel mini-series adaptation and then came to adore him in the second Children of Dune mini-series. Now this had nothing to do with the fact that he was played by my all time favorite actor Edward Atterton... ok I lie, it probably had a lot to do with that... but I was also deeply amused that the character of the ghola Hayt is supposed to be a clone of the original Idaho, but in the first film he was played by a Scot with long hair and then is cloned into a buttoned up posh English guy, and in the best traditions of bad sci-fi, no one notices.

However I'm not talking about either the death of the first Idaho a the hands of the Sardaukar or the death of the first ghola in Children of Dune. I'm referring to his death in God Emperor of Dune (one of many) when he get squished by the Emperor's giant sandworm body. What a waste.

Even Better 30 Day Song Challenge - Day 29 - Track to Track to Get The Party Started



Who doesn't love a creepy cabaret song?

Day 28 – First Favorite Book

My first literary love was probably Pratchett, and I did once read all of Anne McCaffrey's books in a single summer, but there aren't many books that I link with specific childhood events.

We used to holiday in the States a lot when I was younger and I always underestimated the number of books I needed to bring with me. I'd read a lot because I'm not a sun bathing person and American TV has far to many adverts to be watchable. Remember this was in the days when most UK homes got only 4 or 5 TV channels and two of them had no commercial breaks, so watching stuff with adverts ever 5 minutes was a brain melting experience, even now I prefer to watch most series on DVD or On Demand to avoid the stupid adverts. Anyway we usually ended up in the hopelessly touristy parts of Florida without a book store in sight, or in the suburbs with only an S-Mart (or whatever they are called in Florida) for general shopping purposes.

I found this when we were staying in a villa with its own po0l (OMG luxury!), during a period when I was trying not to be goth (I occasionally tried to be normal as a teen, it never stuck for long), on a rack by the check outs at the S-Mart. I'm not sure if you can see it in the photo but the cover isn't even cut straight. It was the only book I found all holiday and I probably read it three times whilst listening to the insane Floridian storms.

Interview With The Vampire isn't the best book ever written, and Anne Rice has gone more than a bit in the years since this was released (if you missed her punctuation free tantrum in response to the poor reviews of Blackwood Farm you missed a real treat, it was epic), but despite the mediocre series that follows IWTV remains a classic of vampire writing. It also produced one of the only films where I can stand to watch Tom Cruise or Antonio Banderas. And without an ounce of glitter in sight!

Even Better 30 Day Song Challenge - Day 28 - Track to Chill Out/Unwind To


I'm not a summery person but I love this song. No it's not the banned version :p

Day 27 – If A Book Contains ______, You Will Always Read It!

Ok so I'm not proud of this one, but I've been a raging phan girl for well over a decade, long before Gerard Bulter destroyed the ALW version of The Phantom with that awful, awful movie version. But it says a lot about exactly how bad my addiction is that I still bought the soundtrack AND the DVD, even though I hated the movie.

I bought the shockingly horrible Phantom of Manhattan by Frederick Forsyth the day it was released, read it in about two hours and then threw it across the room. The book claims to be a sequel to the plot of the ALW musical, not to the original book, but then has a central plot device (Christine's son being Erik's rather than Raoul's) that isn't possible within the plot of the original show without making poor Erik a rapist. The book destroys well loves characters and ruins even those characters hated by the majority of the phandom. Raoul might be unpopular amongst Erik loving phans everywhere but turning him into a vicious alcoholic makes no sense. The epic failure of tPoM amongst phans and critics alike should have made ALW look else where for inspiration for his new musical, but by all accounts Paint Never Dries sorry I mean Love Never Dies makes just as little sense as TPoM. I used to love ALW's work, but this total disregard for the phans who kept PotO on Broadway and the West End all these years, and a complete contempt for the characters themselves is completely heartbreaking.

In comparison Susan Kay's Phantom treats Leroux's characters with the sense of love and respect they deserve. I think this is one major issue with everything ALW has done with PotO, there is always a sense that Leroux is just some incompetent buffoon and the characters are ALW's personal domain, but as time has progressed its become more and more clear that ALW doesn't understand the characters at all. Susan Kay gives Erik a real history, detailed, rich and tragic, she doesn't half his age and turn his past into a cartoon. It's not the greatest book ever written, and there have been plenty of amazing phan phictions written since (tip: avoid anything that starts with "my Erik is based on Gerard Butler" its usually a sign of bad things to come :p ) but if you really want to get to grips with the real Erik, I'd recommend starting there. I don't know if this book has been rereleased recently, my copy (which is missing) cost me £40 back in the mid '90s. Edited to add: new copies seem to be going for between £13 and £25 on bookdepository.

Even Better 30 Day Song Challenge - Day 27 - Track To Trip Out To



No comment :p

Day 26 – Most Annoying Book Ending

I think I've already mentioned The Penultimate Truth by Philip K Dick but it really does have the most annoying ending ever written.

Compared to PKD's other books this is relatively sane in its writing style and the plot mostly makes sense. You don't have to spend 20 minutes deciphering individual paragraphs, you don't have to work out of two people are really one person or if something is just a hallucination. It's a story about false realities and the way governments keep the majority of people in the dark via the media. Basically 99% of the population live in bunkers deep underground and think the world above is some radiation-destroyed, mutant-filled nightmare, whilst the remaining 1% live above ground in huge luxurious parks. The book then includes all the usual dystopian shenanigans. Right up to the climax. Which of the two warring powers above ground will succeed? What was the truth about all the weirdness that was happening? Unfortunately for the reader the main character decides he has had enough of all the intrigue and goes to live underground. And never finds out the ultimate answer. So neither does the reader.

Like Lovecraft on those days when he can't be bothered to describe his monster, you're left with an overwhelming urge to hit the author over the head with the book.

Even Better 30 Day Song Challenge - Day 26 - Track That Everyone Else Seems To Love But That You Don't Like Much



I don't understand the point of Lady Gaga, its just bad pop music performed by someone (who looks like Marilyn Manson on a good day) in silly outfits. At least when David Bowie did the cross gender crazy outfits he was producing amazing music.

Day 25 – Five Books From Your “To Be Read” Stack

Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell by Susanna Clarke - always been put off by the length, the book will fall apart before I finish it because I mistreat books terribly.

The Neverending Story by Michael Ende - I really want to get to the point where I can read this in the original German.

Flow My Tears, the Policeman Said by Philip K. Dick - I adore PKD but I keep forgetting to buy this.

Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury - I don't know how I haven't read this yet but I'm ashamed that I haven't.

The Reality Dysfunction by Peter F. Hamilton - my fiance insists I read this :p

Even Better 30 Day Song Challenge - Day 25 - Track That's An Interesting Cover Version

Aha! This is my very favorite type of music. Covers. Amazing covers, awesome covers, bad covers, silly covers, insane covers, William Shatner covers, covers of William Shatner covers, I love them all. I even love covers of songs I hate in their original form. This one is a mashup but I couldn't choose just one so do look at the ones linked above too.

Day 24 – Best Quote From A Novel

"I can believe things that are true and things that aren't true and I can believe things where nobody knows if they're true or not.

I can believe in Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny and the Beatles and Marilyn Monroe and Elvis and Mister Ed. Listen - I believe that people are perfectable, that knowledge is infinite, that the world is run by secret banking cartels and is visited by aliens on a regular basis, nice ones that look like wrinkled lemurs and bad ones who mutilate cattle and want our water and our women.

I believe that the future sucks and I believe that the future rocks and I believe that one day White Buffalo Woman is going to come back and kick everyone's ass. I believe that all men are just overgrown boys with deep problems communicating and that the decline in good sex in America is coincident with the decline in drive-in movie theaters from state to state.

I believe that all politicians are unprincipled crooks and I still believe that they are better than the alternative. I believe that California is going to sink into the sea when the big one comes, while Florida is going to dissolve into madness and alligators and toxic waste.

I believe that antibacterial soap is destroying our resistance to dirt and disease so that one day we'll all be wiped out by the common cold like martians in War of the Worlds.

I believe that the greatest poets of the last century were Edith Sitwell and Don Marquis, that jade is dried dragon sperm, and that thousands of years ago in a former life I was a one-armed Siberian shaman.

I believe that mankind's destiny lies in the stars. I believe that candy really did taste better when I was a kid, that it's aerodynamically impossible for a bumble bee to fly, that light is a wave and a particle, that there's a cat in a box somewhere who's alive and dead at the same time (although if they don't ever open the box to feed it it'll eventually just be two different kinds of dead), and that there are stars in the universe billions of years older than the universe itself.

I believe in a personal god who cares about me and worries and oversees everything I do. I believe in an impersonal god who set the universe in motion and went off to hang with her girlfriends and doesn't even know that I'm alive. I believe in an empty and godless universe of causal chaos, background noise, and sheer blind luck.

I believe that anyone who says sex is overrated just hasn't done it properly. I believe that anyone who claims to know what's going on will lie about the little things too.

I believe in absolute honesty and sensible social lies. I believe in a woman's right to choose, a baby's right to live, that while all human life is sacred there's nothing wrong with the death penalty if you can trust the legal system implicitly, and that no one but a moron would ever trust the legal system.

I believe that life is a game, that life is a cruel joke, and that life is what happens when you're alive and that you might as well lie back and enjoy it."
— Neil Gaiman (American Gods)

Even Better 30 Day Song Challenge - Day 24 - Track You Love That Was Released In The Past Six Months

Ah. Ummmm... I don't usually keep that up to date with music. The last proper album I bought was the Tron: Legacy soundtrack and that's just gone over 6 months old... oh wait, quote by Neil Gaiman so song by Neil Gaiman too. If you like this song you should buy the album, for charity!

Day 23 – Most Annoying Character Ever

Ronald Bilius Weasley. The middle name says it all really.

Weak, cowardly, petulant, lazy, stupid and jealous, (a typical teenage boy then) I never really saw the point of Ron Weasley. Everything about the character grates on my nerves, and I certainly have never understood what Hermione is supposed to see in him. Other than Harry what exactly do those two have in common? Why would such an intelligent and powerful witch choose to repeatedly take back such a thoughtless and often vindictive little tit?

Even Better 30 Day Song Challenge - Day 23 - Track You Love That Was Released Decades Before You Were Born



I like a lot of old music, but I struggled to find something more than a decade older than me that I really LOVE.

Day 22 – Favorite Non-Sexual Relationship

This is where I look like a complete copycat by choosing the same answer as Siobhan @ Book And Biscuit but I do think that the completely psychotic relationship between Mrs Danvers and Mrs De Winter II is one of the best character interactions in any book. The whole scenario is a perfect example of how someone can be so downtrodden that they can ultimately be trained into making themselves feel inferior, and how someone can love a person so much that they aren't just blind to their faults but think they are virtues.

A woman with any strength or backbone could have thrown off the shadow of Rebecca quite easily, but then such a woman probably wouldn't have attracted Maxi, and a woman with confidence and a bit of commonsense would have wondered what Mrs Danvers was up to, but again such a woman probably wouldn't have gotten herself into that situation. The whole book for me was like one of those horror movies when you already know something bad is going to happen but the teens still go to the abandoned movie theatre. You just want to reach into the book and shake Mrs De Winter II. Or hand Mrs Danvers the matches.

You should definitely watch David Mitchell as Mrs Danvers in the Mitchell And Webb version (about 6 minutes in), in the sketch they turn to the situation on its head and have Rebecca thinking about the mysterious future Mrs De Winter. "Oh no Rebecca, we'll never use the boating lake after you've gone, the future Mrs De Winter will find it too upsetting, and besides, people will say its haunted."

Even Better 30 Day Song Challenge - Day 22 - Track You Look Forward To Introducing Kids To

There's no anbswer I can give to this that doesn't make me look evil, or that isn't from Labryrinth. So here's my current favorite song to inflict on people.

Day 21 – Favorite Romantic Relationship

Urgh. Two romance questions in a row? Really? Pass the sick bucket.

As much as I love Jane Eyre and Wuthering Heights, I'm going to have to go back to Pratchett for this one.

(His Grace, His Excellency, the Duke of Ankh, Commander) Sir Samuel Vimes and Lady Sybil Ramkin first meet in Guards! Guards! as an alcoholic captain of the Night Watch and the richest spinster in Ankh Morpork. Long story short he saves her from being sacrificed to a dragon and she helps reform him into the one of the most influential men in the city. I'm choosing these two, rather than the more "romantic" Angua and Carrot or the more intriguing Lord Vetinari and Lady Margotta, simply because they are ultimately so very ordinary. They just get on with life with out excessive drama, ok so they have the occasional soppy moment but usually its interrupted by Vimes having to run off to deal with criminals or some international crisis.

Yes Heathcliff and Cathy are terribly passionate, but by the end of Wuthering Heights everyone is dead. Sybil and Sam are a prime example of a sensible older couple who perfect compliment each other - Sybil can't cook but "since Sam Vimes"s spectrum of gastronomic delight mainly ranged from 'well fried' to 'caramelized'" it's a match made in burnt crunchy bit heaven. I'd much rather have that kind of relationship than some tragedy.

Even Better 30 Day Song Challenge - Day 21 - Oh My God Listen to the Violin!



Don't just listen to this song, watch what he's doing! It's all the violin, including the percussion. If you haven't seen Matt Howden live, you haven't really experienced music.

Day 20 – Favorite Kiss

It was insanely difficult to come up with an answer for this one, cos generally I don't pay any attention to such sappiness.

In the end I picked the only kiss I could remember, from Seasons of Mist, volume four of the Sandman graphic novel series by Neil Gaiman. I'm not going to show the kiss itself here because, 1. I've lost my copies of Sandman one through six and 2. its rather graphic.

The kiss in question is between Lucifer (The Morningstar, The Adversary, The Great Serpent, Satan, Lord of Hell) and Mazikeen who is a demon and a daughter of Lilith. This kiss takes place as Lucifer is planning to close down Hell and quit his job as Satan. Mazikeen pledges her love and loyalty to him even though he is no longer her lord or master, to which he states "you may love me, if you wish" before kissing her goodbye and using her knife to cut off his wings. The reason I'd class the kiss as graphic is that Mazikeen (as a demon) is missing most of one side of her face. Literally her brain is exposed and you can see inside her mouth, which makes the image of her kissing the David Bowie-esque Lucifer very disturbing indeed. Here's a link to it in ummm... spanish I think.  You've been warned.

The relationship Lucifer has with Mazikeen is the closest he seems to get to genuine emotion in the Sandman books, and I always felt sorry for poor ugly Mazikeen for being left behind. Until The Kindly Ones at least, when its revealed that Lucifer is playing piano in a wine bar and Mazikeen is part of the staff. One up for the ugly girls :p

Even Better 30 Day Song Challenge - Day 20 - Oh My God Listen To The Lyrics



It was so hard not to pick another JoCo song for this, but for such a sad song, with a such a depressing message, this always makes me giggle. Why? 3:40 to 3:46 that's why. Ah, Pete Steele, you're sadly missed.

Day 19 – Favorite Book Cover

I am so jealous of anyone who has any book from this special edition series . HINT. Please feel free to buy me any of these. Ahem. Anyway, this obnoxiously pink design is absolutely perfect for the Alice stories.

Even Better 30 Day Song Challenge - Day 19 - Track to Seduce Someone To

I'm on a JoCo kick right now, but, well a giant golden submarine would work on me, and once again, Helena by the Misfits is probably still too weird.

Day 18 – Favorite Childhood Book

I switched around day 13 and day 18 when I realised that I already had an entry for favorite opening scene.

It's hard to chose a favorite childhood book because I wasn't really a booky kid when I was a child, though I was an extremely booky teenager. I thank Terry Pratchett and Anne McCaffery for that, though more their adult books than the ones aimed at kids. Amazing Maurice didn't come out until 2001 when I was at university and that was really the first kid centric Discworld book. I'd already read the rest of Discworld by then, working backwards from Soul Music in 1994. But there are Pratchett books outside of Discworld. The shockingly tragic Nation being the latest, Carpet People being the first.

For me however the Bromeliad/Nome series was my first taste of Pratchett, and the first time I found a book that really appealed to me. It was set in places I knew about - department stores, quarries and Kennedy Space Center (yeah, I was a geeky kid and one of the few in my class to be lucky enough to go to Florida regularly). Pratchett has a great way of making everyday things wonderful by changing your perspective, and seeing the world through the eyes of creatures a few inches high is perfect for that. Plus it has spaceships, and Concord. It will always be a regret of mine that now Concord is gone I'll never get to eat strange woobly pink stuff and look for Nomes under the seats.

Even Better 30 Day Song Challenge - Day 18 - Track That Reminds You It's Gonna Be Alright



Normally songs like this just make me more depressed but I think the combination of JoCo's voice and the fact that this is about a real guy, who really did all these insane things, makes it all ok.

Day 17 – Favorite Short Story

[caption id="attachment_505" align="alignright" width="300" caption="Cats can see the color out of space but are unimpressed by it"][/caption]

Ok so I've missed quite a few days of this. My excuse? Well Portal 2 came out. Then I dislocated my thumb. The first may have caused the second.

Anyway, my choice for this one has to be "The Color Out Of Space" by H. P. Lovecraft, the only genuinely scary story I've ever read. That link is to the full text. Go read it before you read any further. Or get the Atlanta Radio Theatre Company radio play version, its free in various places. A lot of the time you get the impression that Lovecraft isn't describing his monsters because he can't be bothered, isn't being paid enough or can't think of anything. All too often we get to the end of the book and end up with something like "never could I tell, try as I might, what it actually was that I saw", and on those occasions that he does describe his monsters (for example the epically detailed description of Wilbur Whateley in The Dunwich Horror) they're weird but they aren't (in the age of cinema FX at least) actually very scary.

But the whole point of the "bad guys" in this story is that they don't have a form to describe. They literally are just a colour (from space). A colour which can't be described using human language as it doesn't exist in our visible spectrum, rather like Terry Pratchett's Octarine aka the colour of magic best described as a 'fluorescent greenish-yellow-purple'. and how do you fight a colour? Or a vapour, or a wasting disease as it ultimately becomes? Well, you can't, that's the point.

The story ends with a proper sense of dread on the cliffhanger, much better than Lovecraft's better know stories because the action takes place close to a populated area, rather than the polar icecaps or the Australian outback.

Even  Better 30 Day Song Challenge - Day 17 - Track That Opened You Up To A New Genre



I'm not a fan of hip hop but chap hop is so much more dignified :D

Day 16 – Favorite Collection of Poetry

This night
While I am dreaming
Searching for you
I have a message, but you're not sleeping
I wade through deep black waters, endless deserts
Turning my eyes away
From the criminals who seek to shame me

Meet me at the crossroads
Where we will come together
And nothing else will matter
From now until forever

These things
The only way I know to tell you
Whispered in the static
Screaming through the veil
Please say
The message came through
As intended
Code deciphered and recieved

I'm not a poetry person. I get the point of poetry but any real enjoyment I might have gotten out of it was burned away by the rubbish assigned in the GCSE syllabus. So for this one I'm choosing someone who is a poet but a musician and author as well. I own a copy of Ladies and Other Vicious Creatures by Donna Lynch, but I couldn't find it to photograph it, so this is part of an image by Steven Archer, the other half of the band Ego Likeness.

I love the universe Ego Likeness operate in, as twist and disturbing as it is. Its a place where reality and nightmare blend together until you don't know the one from the other, where the witches and demons are real and just might be you. I recommend that you read the madness that is Isabel Burning, and hear the darkness that is Breedless, marvel at the beauty of Luna Maris and maybe pick up some animal bones in resin whilst you're at it.

Even Better 30 Day Song Challenge - Day 16 - Day 16 - Track That Describes You

Day 15 – Your “Comfort” Book

Hmmm most of the books I'd consider as "comfort" books have already been mentioned, so I'm going to go forthe books I turn to when I've had a long day and I'm too exhausted to concentrate on anything complicated or clever.

The Sookie Stackhouse (a.k.a Southern Vampire (a.k.a True Blood)) series by Charlaine Harris is neither complicated or clever. These are literary soap operas, the kind of books you can read in one sitting and never think about again. Fortunately the characters are just this side of one dimensional and some of the set pieces are imaginative enough to keep the reader entertained. This series treats the vampire mythos with some degree of respect whilst still letting the characters be flawed, both of which seem to be missing from Twilight. Sorry but I like vampires to be real vampires. Just like Dexter and Bones, the TV series that has been spawned by the Sookie Stackhouse books is wildly better than its source, which makes it all worthwhile in the end :)

Even Better 30 Day Song Challenge - Day 15 - Track That You Wish Described You



Heh, I wish I looked that good, just so I could complain about it :p

Day 14 – Favorite Character In A Book

[caption id="attachment_469" align="alignright" width="300" caption="Mug courtesy of Protowilson.deviantart.com"][/caption]

I tend to get obsessed with characters more for the inspiration they represent than for their representation in the original book. As my name suggests I'm a huge fan of The Phantom of the Opera, but not for Gaston Leroux's original book, which lets face it, is completely terrible. I love Erik in all his forms, in versions official and fanfiction, from Susan Kay to Andrew Lloyd Webber via Brian De Palma, but I don't especially like his portrayal in the original book. Same goes for Dracula, whilst I appreciate the original book, I'd much rather have the Gary Oldman , Christopher Lee or Richard Roxburgh version.

So for this prompt I decided to choose Severus Snape from the Harry Potter series by J K Rowling, a character that I love as much in the original books, as for his portrayal in film and fanfiction. Saying that I originally only agreed to read the Harry Potter books because Snape is played by Alan Rickman, one of my very favourite actors.

I was a Snape fan before it turned out he was a good guy, he always struck me as the only sane and sensible teacher in the whole school, since he was the only one to react to Potters constant acts of near insanity with anything approaching the appropriate response. He was also in charge of the coolest of the four houses and taught the most awesome subject. By the end of the books he turns out to be the most powerful, and in many ways the most important, character in the whole series, without whom the entire endeavor would have failed with Harry's death at Quirrell's hands in the first book. And yet in the end, his life ends with the same sense of waste as when it was lived, with insufficient recognition and a pointless death for ridiculous reasons at the hands of a lunatic. He never even gets a funeral! It's all so depressingly tragic.

Even Better 30 Day Song Challenge - Day 14 - Track You Only Like For Its Sentimental Value

Day 13 – Favorite Opening Scene In A Book

“It was a dark, blustery afternoon in spring, and the city of London was chasing a small mining town across the dried-out bed of the old North Sea.”

That is, for me, one of the best opening lines I’ve read in a very long time. It sucks you immediately. What happened to the North Sea to dry it out? And, wait a minute, what the hell do you mean, a city is CHASING a mining town?

The four book series (Mortal Engines, Predators Gold, Infernal Devices and Darkling Plain, and their prequels - A Web Of Air, Fever Crumb and Scrivener’s Moon) takes place in a post apocalyptic wasteland where cities and towns, on wheels or tracks or gas balloons, chase one another down for resources. It’s like Mad Max on an epic scale, with airships and robots thrown in. The series is aimed at teens so most the characters are children and young people, but like any good children’s book there are sill some adult characters and a good depth of storytelling to keep the interest of older or more advanced readers. Though if you’re considering these as a gift for children be aware that death, war and emotional conflict are major themes and can get a little graphic.

(I know this is a copy of what I posted before. I have food poisoning.)

Even Better 30 Day Song Challenge - Day 13 - Track That Gets Stuck In Your Head



I hate this song with a passion but once I hear it I get it stuck in my head for weeks and weeks. Though I've had Haben Sie Gehort Das Deutsche Band stuck in my head for the last month

Day 12 – A Book You’ve Read More Than Five Times

Hmmmm... that covers an awful lot of books...

Ok, I've chosen one of the few books I've actually had to replace due to over-reading. My original copy of American Gods by Neil Gaiman had been glued, taped and even stapled trying to hold it together for one more reading. I finally gave in when I picked it up and the spine just dissolved into confetti. I'm not kind to my books.

It's hard to pinpoint why I'd addicted to American Gods. It might be the depth of the story, the range of the characters, the flashes of humour or the sheer scale of the set piece battles combined with the individual tiny dramas. I love recognising a new god or a new reference each time I read it. I adore Wednesday for his sheer magnetism and Shadow's pathos. But I think the most endlessly appealing part is the strength of the characterisation, Gaiman somehow makes you feel that you know even the smallest character personally and then wraps you up in their world.

It also contains one of my favorite speeches of all time.

Hannah's Even Better 30 Day Song Challenge - Day 12 - Track for a Thoughtful Montage Sequence

Day 11 – A Book that Disappointed You

I'm a Philip K Dick fan. I have a whole shelf filled with his books. Generally I enjoy most of his work, even if the things they have inspired are better than the original books (Blade Runner is one of my favorite movies, and Total Recall is one of the few Schwarzenegger films I can stand). I even liked The Penultimate Truth, which has the single most frustrating ending of any book ever written!

So why can't I finish The Man In The High Castle? I'm told (by people who read real literature) that it's his best book. But nothing happens?!?! Not only does nothing happen (in the first half at least, which was as far as I could drag my boredom) the language actually makes sense. You don't spend every page wonder what the f*** is going on, or what drugs Dick as taking on that particular day. The fact that it didn't read like a Philip K Dick book is probably the reason I couldn't finish it, that wasn't that promise of complete bats**t insanity that kept the other books interesting. I knew I should have stayed away from literature :p

Even Better 30 Day Song Challenge - Day 11 - Track That's Gibberingly Upbeat & Happy



As a member of CAMRA I too enjoy a fancy beer!

Day 10 – A Book You Thought You Wouldn’t Like But Ended Up Loving

As previously mentioned, I was given Lord John And The Private Matter after my grandmother mistakenly bought it second hand from The Famous Bookstall. I originally assumed it was going to be the usual slightly incipid womens fiction that she generally read. Then I realised why she hadn't read it herself. My poor gran! LOL!

I've tried to read Diana Gabaldon's Outlander series, which the Lord John sequence is a spin off from, but I found it to be exactly the kind of fluff I'd expected this to be. Time travelling love affair? Yawn. Secretly gay nobleman/military leader solves ridiculous whodunnit? Yes please! This is even more amusing if you read it in the voice of John Barrowman. It's not deep and its neither big nor clever, but it is a lot of fun. We need more historical novels like this!

Even Better 30 Day Song Challenge - Day 10 - Track for Expressing Howls of Pain



I do love Emilie Autumn and her drama. I was going to use a Cradle of Filth track for this one, but I thought the howling there would be a bit too literal.

Day 09 – Best Scene Ever

They stared at this sudden, bloody, swaying apparition, which was dreamily waving a sword in one hand and an axe in the other.
They had axes, too. But the thing glared at the and asked:
"Where's... my... cow?"
They backed away.
"Is that my cow?" the creature demanded, stepping forward unsteadily. It shook its head sadly. "It goes 'Baaaa!'" it wept. "It is... a sheep...."
Then it fell to its knees, clenched its teeth and turned its face upwards, like a man tortured beyond his wit, and beseeching the goods of fortune and the tempest, screamed: "That! Is!! Not!! My!!! Cow!!!!"
The dwarfs backed away down the slope. Overhead, the vurms were still pouring in, outlining the invader against their green-white glow.
"Where's my cow? Is that my cow?" it demanded, following them.
In every part of the cavern dwarfs had stopped work. There was hesitancy in the air. This was only one man, after all, and the though in many minds was: what is someone else going to do about this? It had not yet progressed to: what am I going to about this? Besides, where was the cow? There was a cow down here?
"it goes 'neigh!' It is a horse! That's not my cow!"
Dwarfs looked at one another. Where was the horse, then? Did you hear a horse? [...}
Half a dozen shrouded dark guards stepped out from the group. One of them carried, ahead of him, a flame weapon, and advanced on the figure cautiously. The flame of its little pilot light was the brightest thing in the cave.
The figure looked up, the light reflected red in its eyes, and growled: "is that my cow?"
Then it threw the axe overarm, full at the guard. It struck the flame weapon which exploded.
"It goes, Hruuugh!'" Burning oil fountained across the dark. Some of it splashed onto Vime's arm. He slapped at it. There was pain, intense pain, but he knew this only in the same way that he knew the moon existed. It was there, but it was a long way off and didn't affect him very much.

IMO, the best fight (and most ridiculous) fight scene ever. You'll have to get the book to read the rest of it, but it is awesome.
Even Better 30 Day Song Challenge - Day 9 - Track for Dancing to Like a Muppet

A song for muppets, with muppets. You remind me of the babe....

Day 08 – A Book Everyone Should Read At Least Once

I know it's traditional to point to something from the 100 Best Books Evor list or the classics section of the library, but my choice is a bit more obscure.

Kim Stanley Robinson's Years of Rice And Salt is a speculative history based on the concept that 99.99% of Europe's population was lost during the Black Death. A series of short stories spanning several hundreds years are linked by the fact that all the characters are reincarnations of the same souls though out. So whilst world history progresses without Western culture, we also see the development of complex interpersonal relationships whilst the characters change age, sex, race and in one case species.

Because of the linking of characters this isn't an easy read, rarely does the author actually tell you which characters are which, though clues are given in the first initials of names. It's mostly left to the reader to work out by personality. The book also requires the reader to be willing to read about a variety of other cultures and to have a basic understand of history in order to understand the differences with reality. All the effort is more than rewarded with the scenes set in the various afterlifes, I could happy read those over and over.

Even Better 30 Day Song Challenge - Day 8 - Track For Dancing To Sleazily

Day 07 – Least Favorite Plot Device

Actually my least favorite device is, well, devices.

If you're going to write steampunk fiction either, 1) do your homework about how the device/machine/object works or 2) come up with a plausible reason why yours works differently. I have no problem with the laws of physics, sanity or common sense being twisted, but I'd rather that you acknowledge the twist, rather than assuming that people won't notice your history is off. Check that a dirigible can actually lift that much weight. Research the time an ocean crossing would take on a paddle boat. Take into account that your character is a tiny woman but the tech you just described would weigh 200lbs. If someone has multiple limbs cut off and replaced with machinery then have them react to that fact! See Evil Dead for reference, at least the overacting would be better than not reacting at all.

I also recently read a book (which will remain nameless) that used existing fiction characters. Please, if you feel you must do that, first consider not doing it cos if you're writing is bad you're going to make some people angry, second (if you still feel you must) check you've got their name right. Also if you feel you have to translate it from the original language, make use there isn't another, better known character using the same name, cos then that's just plain confusing. Please, unless its straight fan fiction, leave other peoples stuff alone until you know what you're doing with your own.

Even Better Thirty Day Song Challenge – Day 7 - Track For Staring Out Of Windows Feeling Wistful



And I won't feel... a thing.

Day 06 – Your Favorite Book Of All Time

"Do you think I am an automaton? — a machine without feelings? and can bear to have my morsel of bread snatched from my lips, and my drop of living water dashed from my cup? Do you think, because I am poor, obscure, plain, and little, I am soulless and heartless? You think wrong! — I have as much soul as you — and full as much heart! And if God had gifted me with some beauty and much wealth, I should have made it as hard for you to leave me, as it is now for me to leave you. I am not talking to you now through the medium of custom, conventionalities, nor even of mortal flesh: it is my spirit that addresses your spirit; just as if both had passed through the grave, and we stood at God's feet, equal — as we are!"

Jane Eyre is one of the few books I can keep coming back to and still enjoy, probably because it's the only book I've every actually identified with in any real way. I love plain ordinary mousy Jane and the way she faces up to her supposed physical, mental or moral betters. Everytime I read it, I'm reminded that I need to be more like Jane.

Or at the very least I must keep in good health and not die :p

Even Better Thirty Day Song Challenge – Day 6 - Track for Swaggering To



It's hard not to dance down the street when this comes on the iPod.

Day 05 – A Book You Hate

Once again there was no contest for this one, it has to be Remains Of The Day by Kazuo Ishiguro.

This the single most boring and pointless book I've ever been forced to read. I no longer remember if it was on the GCSE or A-Level English Lit syllabus, but this book is the reason I chose not to study English to degree level and the reason I won't read anything that has won the Booker Prize unless at least 10 people can give me decent reviews.

Not only is it deeply depressing, the subplot is actually significantly better than the main story. I get that the butler has a pointless and lonely life but did we really have to read 250+ pages of it, when we could have been reading about the tragic, misguided landowner and his suspicious dealings with the Nazis? I hate books that put too much stress on their metaphors to the detriment of the plot and this had that in spades. There's one scene where the main character visits a lake and you're basically clubbed around the head with clumsy meaningful descriptions for ten pages. It's like the author wrote "look at me, I'm clever" on a shovel and hit you in the face with it. Actually that would have been infinity more enjoyable. The only good things about this book is that it ends. But not nearly soon enough.

Even Better Thirty Day Song Challenge - Day 5 - Track For Feeling Lovesick and Bad



As previously mentioned, I'm a huge Gary Numan fan. This has to be one of my favourite songs, certainly one of the most heartbreaking.

Day 04 – Your Favourite Book Series Ever

No contest for this question, there could only every be one answer- Terry Pratchett's Discworld.

Currently checking in at 38 individual books (Snuff, book number 39, is due for release in October 2011) and 5 short stories, The Discworld series in really several different series all taking part in the same universe. With the Rincewind series we get traditional big bold sword and sorcery, whilst the Witches focuses more on superstition and a less showy form of magic. The City Watch are police procedurals with a twist and the Death/Susan series are about the ultimate outsiders trying to make sense of humanity. And that's not including all the stand alone and mini series books.

There aren't many of these books that I don't adore, and whilst some of the early ones are weaker compared to the recent books, they all still have endearing qualities. If I had to pick one thing that makes Discworld great as a series is the fact that you don't HAVE to read the books in order, and missing out the weaker books won't really prevent you from enjoying the others. I hate to waste time and money slogging though unenjoyable books to get to the good stuff, and these are perfect for avoiding that. For example the first Discworld I read was Soul Music, book 16 of the overall series, and book 3 of the Death storyline, and it didn't matter! Whilst the various characters grow and progress with the series, all the relevant bits are recapped in a way that is intrusive to a familiar reader but just informative enough to a newbie.

So if you like police books and murder mysteries then just start with the City Watch, if you prefer to focus on the human condition the go for the Death series. Or if you aren't sure then choose one of the stand alone books like Moving Pictures, Pyramids, Small Gods or Monstrous Regiment. Actually I'd probably list those four amongst my favorites anyway. My all time favorite in the series is probably Fifth Elephant a political mystery focusing on rivalry between vampires and werewolves. The German version is shown above.

Even Better Thirty Day Song Challenge – Day 4 - Track for Feeling Lovesick and Good



One of the few songs both my partner and I agree on, that wouldn'tfreak you all out. Ahem.

Day 03 – The Best Book You’ve Read In The Last 12 Months

Ok, for this one I've decided not to go with any of the books I've previously mentioned. Spring-Heeled Jack and Dreadnought would probably both qualify for this but I thought I'd pick something a little more obscure.

I previously knew Mark Gatiss as one of the stars of The League of Gentlemen, the BBC horrorcomedy series, as well as character actor from Doctor Who and a plethora of historical dramas. Somehow I never realised he was the writer behind some of the better Doctor Who episodes and books. The quality of his TV writing, and the depth of devotion he demonstrated in the excellent History of Horror documentary series, convinced me I had to read the Lucifer Box trilogy.

Covering the three great ages of detective fiction (Edwardian, Roaring '20s and Post-WWII) the series follows the charming, handsome, witty and overtly bisexual Lucifer Box, portrait artist and secret agent, from his glory days to the twilight of his career via three excitingly camp adventures. Gatiss' love for detective fiction is clear in every single page. Box is a James Bond for the modern age (but in the past), you won't find any that "homosexuals can't whistle" rubbish here, and Box doesn't spend all his time chasing women, rather he chases anything that moves, male or female. Much more entertaining that way!

Even Better Thirty Day Song Challenge – Day 3 - Track For A Roadtrip



There's something wonderfully sci-fi about driving past a power station at 3am on a deserted motorway with the Blade Runner soundtrack playing in the background.

Day 02 – A Book You Wish More People Were Reading

A year ago, if you'd told me that Gyles Brandreth, the slightly camp custodian of Dictionary Corner and wear of a thousand terrible jumpers, had a written a series of excellent historical murder mysteries starring Oscar Wilde, I'd have laughed at you. In fact that's exactly what happened, I did laugh... then I read the books and saw that it was true.

The Oscar Wilde Murder Mysteries do exactly what it says on the tin, but they do it very well. The tone and voice for Oscar and his companions are absolutely perfect, and Brandreth plays on the real life link between Oscar and Mycroft Holmes wonderfully. As a piece of speculative fiction the historical accuracy is excellent, and serves to make Oscar's ultimate fate all the more poignant. If I had one complaint its that I always end up reading this book in Brandreth's voice, and that just serves to make the descriptions of brothels etc that little bit more uncomfortable. I'd pay good money to hear Stephen Fry (who has played both Wilde and Holmes) perform the audio book for these though.

Even Better Thirty Day Song Challenge - Day 2 - Track For A Badass Action Sequence



Not the usual kind of choice for a fight scene, but i can see this working in a Victorian comedy zombie fight scene a la the Shaun of the Dead Don't Stop Me Now sequence. I do wonder how my brain comes up with this stuff sometimes though.

Good News Everyone!

I bet you read that in Professor Farnsworth's voice. If you didn't, you need to watch more TV. If you're still reading in his voice, you need to watch less TV. Nah, not really, no such thing as too much Futurama. Anyway, to business....

The new issue of Irregular Magazine is here!!! Hoorah! This issue, entitled BEASTS OF WAR, is packed full of RPG and wargaming articles, painting tutorials, gorgeous art and a plethora of reviews (one of which is by yours truly).

Download the new issue here!

In terms of art, I recently completed an album cover and I'm now working on contributions for a steampunk RPG project. I can't say much just yet, but I'll be posting more when I can.

Bookshops - Bricks&Mortar Vs Online Shopping

A great man once said-

"A good bookshop is just a genteel Black Hole that knows how to read." - Sir Terry Pratchett

And that is absolutely true. A good bookshop should contain significantly more books than you could ever imagine it containing, and it should distort time and space in such away that ten minutes of browsing turning into three hours and a budget of £10 should mysteriously turn into £70 worth of purchases.

My person heaven of book shopping is Fables Book Shop in the village of St Marychurch near Torquay. If you ever happen to be in the area I strongly recommend it. It's tiny, not just compared to monsters like Waterstones and Borders (RIP) but tiny compared to the average living room. However it's literally packed to the rafters with books, and you always get the impression that the owners have read every one of them before adding them to their stock list. It's the kind of store where every shelf has multiple rows of books, stacks of books, tottering piles of books! I found a gorgeous hardback set of The Larklight Series by Philip Reeve hidden away the first time I visited and I've made a point of going back every time we're in the area ever since. And there in lies the problem- this store is about as far away as its possible to be from my home town and still be in England. On a good day its a 6 hour drive.

So what do we have closer to home? The answer is very little. When I was growing up there used to be a creepy independent store which seemed to mostly cater to science and fishing enthusiasts but never had a lot of stock and generally refused to order anything for customers. That was demolished about 5 years ago and never reopened anywhere else. There has been a W H Smith's in town for as long as I've been alive but like all W H Smiths the stock is 60% stationery & magazines, 10% DVDs, 10% confectionary, 10% school books, 5% Mills&Boon-esque books and 5% the second book of any given series. Shopping at Smiths for a book has always been a depressing process, one that I only bother with now if I end up with a voucher at Yule.

Finally there is the pièce de résistance, the Famous Bookstall. Yes, it's actually called that. Compared to W H Smiths it's a wonderland of books, though, in line with its target market, it is heavy on the Mills&Boon. Whilst I wouldn't normal shop there my grandmother did once present me with a book from the stall stating "this is more your kind of thing than mine". It was Lord John and The Private Matter by Diana Gabaldon, and I'm still not sure if my gran was referring to the 18th century murder mystery or the fact that the main character is gay.

Unfortunately the next town over doesn't offer a great deal more. There are two more W H Smiths, a Christian bookstore, two Blackwell's (good for textbooks, expensive for anything else) and not one or two but THREE Waterstones. The biggest of the Waterstones is spread over two floors, but has recently been marred by the edition of a Paperchase (not some where I will ever shop again) and a Costa Coffee (blurgh, IMO worst coffee ever). However the size does mean that there is usually a good selection of books available, and a greater likelihood that you'll find more of what you're looking for. When I visited there last week I noticed some new signs basically saying "If you can't find it on the shelves we'll order it and have it within 48 hours". Now normally I wouldn't bother with that, now that we have the internet, but I noticed that the last Mark Hodder book The Strange Affair of Spring Heeled Jack was on the recommended shelves, and I remembered that the new book was due to come out the week before. 48 hours would be quicker than I could possibly get it from an online seller so I decided to ask. Here it got interesting. And a little strange.

First I was told that the book wasn't out *at all* until September. Which I knew was the pre-order date for the paperback, but what about the hardback? Nope, apparently that wasn't out either. *and* they'd checked Amazon. I could order it now and get it in September. I thanked them and left without placing an order, since if they were just going to order it from Amazon well I could do that myself and get it delivered to my door in a week, rather than having to drive two towns over the pick it up. That night, on a whim, I decided to check Amazon myself. Guess what? The book was already available for order, not for pre-order but for shipped-in-24-hours-order. It arrived in 72 hours and its in paperback. Review to follow shortly.

This is why so many people shop online if they are looking for something specific. I enjoy browsing in brick-and-mortar stores, I like discovering things I might not read under normal circumstances, but if I know what I want to buy in future I think I'll just stay at home and order stuff in my PJs at midnight that I know I'm going to receive, rather than travelling for an hour in the vague hope that the things I want are actually going to be available.

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Those who know the area might berate me for leaving out Forbidden Planet and the glory that is The Space Centre, when I was listing local book shops. That was intentional. Not because they aren't amazing but because they are genre specific. Of course if I ever want to go shopping for comics or RPGs or classic sci-fi/fantasy those are the places I'll visit first. I recommend you do so too. Also visit Patriot Games whilst you're at it!